Stinky Food

Monday, September 17, 2007

Why do people insist upon eating stinky food at their desks? These people are inconsiderate martyrs who want to make it a point that they're just sooooo busy or soooo dedicated that they barely have time to eat lunch and certainly don't have 10 free minutes to step away from their desks to eat the stinky leftovers that they brought from home in a designated dining area. There's a guy in my office who eats…I don't know what the eff it is…some kind of stinky, pungent concoction EVERY single day. I feel kind of sorry for him because it's clear to me that this is the only dish his wife knows how to make and it's the SAME thing every day. Unless, of course she makes a variety of different dishes that just happen to smell the same way. It's inexplicable really…almost like a curried something with chili peppers, onions, and garlic. It hits your nostrils the way the aromas of an Indian Sweet Shop do the first time you walk into one. Kind of slaps you in the face like a Tandoori and Nag Champa diaper mixed with body funk. Anyway, I was running down the hall to the copier this morning, hair freshly pressed blowing behind me and I ran passed Mr. Stinky's desk. The pungent aroma assaulted my nostrils and I whipped my head around, causing my hair to stick to my MAC glossed lips. I made this "what the fuck?!" half angry/half confused FULLY violated look staring at the back of his head and my cube neighbor caught me in mid glare and began laughing out loud hysterically. The laughter snapped me back into reality, thank God! I think my expression pretty much summed up how he and others within a 50 foot radius were feeling. I mean, ok so the curry Tandoori/Vindaloo onion whatever-the-fuck smells good to YOU. Great! But come on…no one wants to smell that shit at 10:00 on a Monday morning!!!! I'm sure his wife opened a window or two while making it for dinner. In an interior office we don't have the luxury of opening a window. That funk will linger until tomorrow when he brings more in. PEOPLE! If you work in an office and you're sooooo busy that the future of the company is riding on your shoulders and if you take 10 minutes to step away from your desk to eat, the walls of Jericho will come tumbling down then PLEASE for fucksake don't eat any of the following at your desk:
1.) Indian Food
2.) Mexican Food
3.) Chitterlings or Greens (the vinegar smell in the greens will get you slapped.)
4.) ANY Fish/Seafood (NO clam chowder. New England…Manhattan…doesn't matter. I don't care if it is in a bread bowl. It's fish soup! Cold tuna salad is ok; hot ass tuna melt – not ok)
5.) Italian Food
6.) Carribean Food
7.) Pad Thai or any other Thai dish
8.) Basically anything hot and spicy that was warmed in the microwave before bringing it to your desk.

I love many of the foods mentioned above (except chittlerlings…I'm from Orange County!) but just because I love them doesn't mean the person next to me loves them. Be considerate of your neighbors. Someday when you're big and important and get an office with A DOOR, you can bring in a pig on a spit for all I care. But until then…sandwiches are for the desk, Tandoori is for the kitchen. NO EXCEPTIONS!

Smooches!